Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Randomize
