some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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