I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
