I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
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I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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