it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
