I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Randomize
