Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
