how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
