my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize