White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He did a backflip because drugs
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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