I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Randomize
