guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
