Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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