the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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