dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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