I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
