I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
