he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I booty called her while she was in labor.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
BRING THE BAGELS
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
