I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
