I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
