your parents love me but you hate me
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
