white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
