I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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