Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
