I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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