Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
