Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
