At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
