just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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