Me too!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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