Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
