i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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