I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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