awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
