I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
