I'm passing your future prison.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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