fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
