My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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