Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
