When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
This baby is an asshole
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
