Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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