I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
