I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
