About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
