stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
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chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
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In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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