Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
