evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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