like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
