This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
