You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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