I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
