Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
