u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
