and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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