i barfeds in our rink
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
So apparently I’m into choking now
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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