Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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