she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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