Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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