If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
