Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
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