I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
