Yo dont text me then not text me
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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