We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
