sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
that is very illegal...i love you.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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