Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
