So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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