I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Randomize
