you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
