Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
