My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
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i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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