I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
