i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
