I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
