she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
