Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
