It's like God shit irony all over that family
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
