Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
